Rowing Dreams?

Dreamt last night I was pledging some kind of frat. It was more a movie gaze than a 


There were like ten of us in a barracks together and it was very clear either myself or one other guy would be the leader within our group, so to test us, they sent a sorority to kidnap us. Took us out on a lake where apparently the western men and women's rowing teams were having some kind of skirmish regatta. 


I ended up on one of the coach barges but we hadn't been out on the water more than five minutes when it was needed for the regatta so myself and the boat driver got shoved into the back of a women's eight. Somehow they rowed with us sitting between them. We passed two men's eights warming up and two singles that looked mostly capsized racing. I remember seeing my friend Thomas in one of the eights. At first I thought he was coxing, but when I looked again, he was stroke seat. One of the singles had a blonde guy with long hair in it and he must have been defying the laws of physics to still be rowing at that point, the boat was so far under water.


We went past the finish line and exit launch and turned around. Somehow on the way back we took a wrong turn and ended up in a narrow canal with barely enough room for the boat, it conveyor belted us past the start launch and out of the water. We had to carry it back and it was mostly my friend Alix and I with it on our heads at opposite ends.If it hadn't been for Alix and I it would have been dropped multiple times, no one knew how to carry a boat.


It was a funky black shell that had fold away handles. Someone behind me mentioned Cy being short. Got it back to the water and the women took over. 


Back in the barracks somehow it was very clear i'd won the leadership challenge but was still under scrutiny. I was showering when everyone walked in. Approached my counterpart since he looked really disappointed. He essentially hadn't made the frat-thing. I asked him how he felt about watching the rowers since he and most of the guys seemed fascinated. I told him that if he doesn't make it he should consider joining the team as an alternative.

Woke up feeling powerful and inspired, like I can do good in the world. Today will be a good day.

Revisiting Old Diary Entries

February 16, 2009

I find myself moving, cleaning. Agitated. As if I'm overcompensating for something This cleaning binge I'm on I know it's symptomatic of something else. I'm emotionally disturbed and as a way of maintaining the illusion of control, I'm perfecting my environment. I'm faintly disturbed by this becuse I consciously know I'm doing it, but I can't stop. It's an effort of will to even sit down this long and write this.

There's nothing left for me to clean short of going downstairs and checking out a vacuum. I don't think I'm ready for that tonight, but maybe Thursday...

February 17, 2009

Excerpt from a dream:

"We still have the ability to change the world, even if we don't have the abilities to change the world."

I don't remember the context of this first entry, why I felt so agitated, but I know the feeling well. Stress manifests itself in strange ways. It marks a strange and sudden shift from the first half wherein I had waxed poetic about the inspiration I gained from meeting my friend Kevin for the first time.

And then the next morning I wake from a dream where all I remember is a simple inspirational quote that almost makes no sense.

I ask: What interruption pushed me in these ways? And hold no clues but the vague memories of the past and these small, concrete writings.