(sometimes withershins, widershins or widderschynnes) means to take a course opposite that of the sun, going counterclock-wise, lefthandwise, or to circle an object, by always keeping it on the left. It also means "in a direction opposite to the usual," which is how I choose to take it in using it as the title of this blog. We're all in the same world finding our own way.

Friday, May 24, 2013

Dear Anger

Dear Anger,

I am learning from you. We've had a tenuous relationship in the past, I know, but I'm finally starting to realize how much I need you in my life.

When I was younger, I thought you were all blind rage, that you would burn through me with the intensity of a sun. And all too often you did, because I let you. Fueled by adrenaline and the flood of hormones racing through a body that wasn't quite ready, you would scream through my mouth, releasing fire that would rival the breath of a dragon. I'm so sorry for that. It wasn't healthy for either of us.

And other times you've been cold and vengeful, an icy core stabbing into the pit of my stomach. Aided by a sick kind of malice, you plotted, petty and cruel, sowing rocks into a garden because we didn't feel like we could grow in our own. That wasn't healthy for us either.

But now that I'm starting to understand you. I need your righteous embrace. You've grown and changed with me over the years and you're no longer the hair trigger part of myself that I once feared. I've found Empathy who uses your fire to forge the sword of action.

Every time I dance, you express yourself through movement, enacting a kind of violence that creates something beautiful for anyone who watches. Your fire pushes me to fight, not recklessly but for the justice our world so desperately needs.

Every time I stand up for what I believe is right, you urge me to push past my discomfort. You see the need for change that I don't see on my own.

People often use that Star Wars quote:

 "Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering."

And while that may be true in most cases, I am no longer afraid. I am no longer afraid of you and I am no longer afraid of myself, because you, Anger, stem from a place of Love. An all encompassing Love that has room even for the darkest souls because it knows they too deserve a chance at redemption.

Anger that there is wrong in the world. Love that seeks to remedy it.

So in a way, I want to say thank you. Thank you for staying with me and teaching me the lessons I've needed to learn. I will not hold onto you, but if we cross paths, I will embrace you and listen to the message you're trying to tell me.

Much love,