February 16, 2009
I find myself moving, cleaning. Agitated. As if I'm overcompensating for something This cleaning binge I'm on I know it's symptomatic of something else. I'm emotionally disturbed and as a way of maintaining the illusion of control, I'm perfecting my environment. I'm faintly disturbed by this becuse I consciously know I'm doing it, but I can't stop. It's an effort of will to even sit down this long and write this.
There's nothing left for me to clean short of going downstairs and checking out a vacuum. I don't think I'm ready for that tonight, but maybe Thursday...
February 17, 2009
Excerpt from a dream:
"We still have the ability to change the world, even if we don't have the abilities to change the world."
I don't remember the context of this first entry, why I felt so agitated, but I know the feeling well. Stress manifests itself in strange ways. It marks a strange and sudden shift from the first half wherein I had waxed poetic about the inspiration I gained from meeting my friend Kevin for the first time.
And then the next morning I wake from a dream where all I remember is a simple inspirational quote that almost makes no sense.
I ask: What interruption pushed me in these ways? And hold no clues but the vague memories of the past and these small, concrete writings.
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