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As human beings, we spend so much of our time and energy screaming, “Understand me, understand me, for the love of God, someone please understand me.” We scream until we are hoarse, until we lose our voices and fall to the ground of exhaustion.

And yet somehow we fail to hear the multitude of voices surrounding us, screaming in time with equal amounts of pain and frustration and longing. We fail to notice the equal vacuum of need pulling at us from all sides.

It is a sad state of affairs when we cannot acknowledge our own hurt, let alone that of those around us.

So I'm trying to retrain myself.

Whisper with me, “Help me understand you.”

It seems so simple. Create a pocket of silence in this chaos and wait. Transform our own energy and need into something useful.

Recognize the world isn't about me.

I need that reminder from time to time. The world isn't about me, I cannot focus on my wants and needs alone, but this also means I cannot be everywhere for everyone. We are not superheroes. It is selfish and arrogant to think that we must solve everyone else's problems.

Rather, and this is something I've learned from social justice communities, we must strive to empower people to take action for themselves, stepping in with further action only when it is absolutely necessary.

So what is most valuable in a world where all anyone wants is attention, love, validation? How do we empower people to find this within themselves?

Start with leading by example. Instead of adding to the noise, remove yourself from it. Turn down the volume even just a fraction. People are drawn to silence, to the open heart and listening ear. It's something we can feel from deep within.

To understand another, you must first start by seeking to understand yourself better. I don't think it's ever possible to understand yourself fully, but in coming to terms with the fact that we will never completely understand and accepting this, we gain something immeasurable. We gain the ability to move on and instead work on being ourselves.

If this sounds absurd to you. If it sounds ridiculously easy, easier said than done, I am not challenging you. It is indeed easier said than done, but this is no reason not to do it anyways.

So go out and find yourself. Come back to me with your findings. Help me understand you.

RB: I ask a lot of questions

This is actually a comment I posted to a friend's blog, but I thought it relevant enough to deserve it's own blog post. There's a link to the original in the title.

There's learning, and there's understanding. They're both kind of related, but I think the latter is by far more important. You can know everything about a person, but if you don't understand what that means and how it motivates them, then it's pointless. Or at least that's how I look at it.

But anyways, pen pals are fun. I've never really done the whole e-pen pal thing, just because I'm kind of old fashioned and like stamps, but I can totally identify with that feeling of connecting with someone on that level. When you take the time to write a letter or an e-mail, you actually have to sit down and think about what you're saying before you say it, or if you don't, you have the option of going back and changing it before you send. You just don't get that with IM and Twitter and the like.

I read an article a while ago *goes to find it* where scientists studied the brain and found that it takes longer for feelings of compassion and admiration to register in the brain than it does some of the less noble emotions. I see this as only helping my argument for the use of letter writing. When you go a week or a month (or for that matter even a few hours) between communications, you have a lot of time to reflect on what's been said to you and understand where it's coming from.

"Understanding leads to respect; respect leads to compassion; compassion leads to love for one another" - Tita Sicat, PhD

I'm always saying the world could use a little more compassion in it.