Deep Breaths

I'm tired. I'm hurt. I'm stressed. I'm lonely. I'm burning out. It's that part of the quarter where I always feel my limit approaching and there's a mental and emotional breakdown just waiting somewhere around the corner.

So I'm going to take a small breath and do the last thing most people would expect. I'm going to use this space to thank the people who've had an impact on my life this year.

I want to thank Brooks. You're a great guy, full of laughter and energy and love. It's because of your initiative in starting the Acts of Kindness Club that I've been able to find in myself a kind of leadership I've always known I had, but not quite known what to do with. You have a great balance between a can-do attitude and understanding the practical nuts and bolts of the system to realize what we as a group can feasibly get done. But you're also perceptive and truly care about the people around you and I know that balancing that kind of caring with leadership is something I want to aspire to. You're gonna go far in this world, dude and I wish you only the best of luck. Congrats on successfully finishing up your undergraduate career.

Tony, I consider you a mentor and a friend. You've provided me with probably the best introduction into postmodern thought anyone could have done here at Western, and I appreciate that, but I think what's more important is that you've taught me not to be satisfied with that.

I tried to stay as hands off this quarter with your spring Parasites class as possible, because I felt like an outsider. I know what I think, I know what I got from the class when I went through it. I wanted these new people to form their own opinions. Which is why I tried to restrict my contributions to questions that would hopefully prod everyone else into talking. But clearly through plurk and my constant blogging, I failed. Even now, at the end of the quarter, I'm being quoted for my thoughts. I'm going to take this as a sign though that perhaps I have something valuable to add.

It was an interesting experience for me because I always felt slightly trapped, straddling that line between the academic environment you needed to use plurk for and this social community created by the winter Parasites, so I very consciously made efforts to limit myself and keep from updating about the parties and mayhem that would flood the timeline. Still, I know it was a strain for you. So I hope this little break you're taking from everyone helps, lord knows you need it.

So thank you, Tony for being a rock. For being steady for me even when you were shaking yourself despite everything I know was bringing you down, for always taking the time to notice when I was even a little down and commiserating.

I want to thank The Acts of Kindness Club. You guys fucking rock and never failed to make my day this quarter. Whether I saw you as a group or individually in passing, it left a smile on my face. Anyone who doesn't have this kind of supporting, loving group that is willing to put themselves out there and accomplish some amazing things together is missing out. So Grace, Cara, Danny, Eliza, etc, etc, thank you for being the light of my Tuesday afternoons.

There's a girl in my life I should thank. She's my name-brain twin. We haven't been as close the last month or so just because of scheduling conflicts that mean we never actually get to hang out, but Dani, I wanted to thank you for introducing me to crew and being the kind of big/little sister I never had (Charlie doesn't count because she's exclusively my big sis). Those 4:30 carpools will forever be engrained in my subconscious. You are my coxswain and my friend and if you ever need someone to relay messages from the bow end, I hope you know who to call.

Andrew, you continue to surprise me. You and I have learned a lot about each other and about us as friends this year, and I guess I just want to say that I'm thankful that we can be the kind of friends we are. There have been so many potentials for things to get really awkward really fast and yet here we are, arguably closer than ever. I don't think I really give you enough credit sometimes and I want to apologize for that. I might not say it enough, but it means the world to me that not only do you care but you're willing to show me you care and express concern on my behalf unasked. I think of myself as being so independent and alone doing all the things I do in this world and it's nice that you know how to remind me I'm not alone. Keep pushing me, will you?

Jack. Jack, Jack, JackJack Jack. I'm still not quite sure what to make of you. You're abrasive and loud and intoxicating to my life (in more ways than one), which I don't think is a bad thing. In fact it's quite wonderful and refreshing and the contrast in how we deal with life and thought is going to mean we learn a lot next year when we're living together. You I want to thank for questioning me, for challenging me. With you around I don't know if I'll ever be able to be completely complacent in anything.

I know there's a lot of people who could and should be on this list, and I thank you and love you, but there's only so much I can write before the laundry list loses it's meaning. Some of you could figure out who you are and why I'd be thank you, others might not know just how much you've affected my life. Regardless, thank you.