Four Questions

I'm responding to Jack's 4 questions post from the other day.

Does it bug you when people misinterpret your writing? Why?

It depends on what I'm writing. Sometimes in my writing I'm asking something of my reader, I'm attempting to direct them down a specific path of thought. When those kinds of pieces are misinterpreted, it's frustrating. But once I've written something, generally I let go of it. Like those butterflies I remember watching from hatched eggs to cocoons and beyond back in elementary school, they are beyond my control and so I must simply watch as they take a life of their own.

By no means does this mean I have to be passive. Like any good parent (or pimp, depending on what you think about authors), so long as it's in my house, under my rules, I have a say in its life. I can respond and that in itself is a beautiful thing. It means that so long as I am around, writing is not a static process. It's not a monologue, but rather a dialogue.

What do you think about porn?

As an industry, I have nothing against porn. I really don't see it as a degradation of our society for people to get paid to have sex with each other if they're consenting adults and to be honest, children and teenagers aren't half as innocent as Western society makes them out to be and where there's a will, there's a way.

But as far as the porn itself, well that's a different matter entirely. As a single gay male with access to the internet, I admit to using it for my masturbatory pleasure (sorry, mom, if you didn't want to hear that you should have stopped reading as soon as you saw the question) and I find nothing wrong with that. Attractive bodies are arousing and if they're doing sex and stuff sometimes even more so. But it's no comparison to the real thing. Straight porn really isn't my cup of tea though. As I've stated again and again, boobs… meh. And the guys tend to be moderately attractive in a certain light to just plain fugly. Mostly watch straight porn for the lols.

What does it mean to kiss someone you're not going out with?

I've kissed three people in my life. The first was at the start of a short lived relationship. The second was a close friend whom I love dearly and know the feeling is mutual, but know a relationship really isn't in our future. And the third guy? He's a strange one, and I'm still trying to figure out exactly what kissing him means.

In general though, I guess I'm not opposed to the idea, especially if both parties know where the kiss is going. Is it just making out or are there deeper emotional strings attached, which opens the question to, is the kiss just a kiss or a precursor to something else? This differentiation changes how I feel about it because in the latter, it's not just a kiss: it's a contract, it's a promise. Much as I'd like to say I can let go and not be in control, I can't make those kinds of decisions at the drop of a hat or in this case, the parting of lips.

Do you dominate conversations or find yourself listening more often than not? Why do you suppose that is?

I tend to listen, but it also depends on the topic of conversation and who I'm talking with. To clarify, I'm an extrovert (in talking with any interaction between me and other people, it always comes down to me being an extrovert) but one thing I like to think I try very hard at is empathy. I want to be able to try to feel what the other person is saying in order to truly understand what they're meaning. It's a level of perception beyond just listening and as such it requires knowing when to say something and when not to.

Some people like being listened to and if you don't stop them, they'll just continue to talk. Other people need a little more coaxing, need a little more direction and push in order to open up. I find that I fill that role and adapt to the situation (i.e. the person) at hand.

As a choice though I would rather listen. Even when I'm filling that role and talking to quiet people, it's in an effort to get them to open up so I can listen to what they have to say. It's why I ask so many questions. It goes back to how I feel about wanting. To want is to take. To talk is to want attention, is to take attention. I would rather get attention other ways. To listen though is to provide in a different way. It is to provide space, safety, an outlet. Yes, I'm taking in the other person's words, but bigger picture, I'm usually giving them something they need.

Hell, even when I'm talking I'm listening. I'm watching body language and looking for recognition in the other person's eyes. I can't effectively multi-task while in conversation. The other person always takes precedence and my whole body gravitates to pay attention to them.

This is one reason I like writing. It's my turn to talk and I don't have to feel guilty about dominating the conversation because you don't have to read it.